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Churning In-Law Relations

Churning (in-law) relations!!?.

This is about a topic generally overlooked. As how are our relationships changing these days?. How distance relations feel sweeter than the near ones. This may be, because of change in our priorities or some other reasons. But yes,we are losing the backbone of a happy life, i.e., healthy family relations.

Relations, whether they are blood related or law related still posses enough importance in our life. I know some may have a view that law generated relations are not that close to us as our blood relations.
Why are the in-law relations less counted. Lets take a daughter-in-law and mother-in-law relationship in account. What makes it strong and effective? At the same time where are the loop holes in it???
If we consider a daughter-in-laws point of view first. She is a girl from another family, and is supposed to merge in the new home and its relations completely. Do you think its easy? If you are a guy assume yourself at her (your wife’s) family/home forever. How would you feel? Obviously uncomfortable. But still she is forced to do so. She is supposed to feel for her in-laws in the same way like she feels for her own family. She does try, no doubts!?
What about the other members? Let’s take a mother-in-law in picture. How is she supposed to behave? Is there any protocol for her as well to follow? Yes there is certainly, as she must count her daughter-in-law as her own child. She must love her the same way as well as support her to find her place in the new family. Other in-law relations are also meant the same way.
 Although, there are families, which follow the above mentioned traditions and lead to a happier life. But if it comes to reality, those are merely exceptional cases. In every second house some painful whispers may be heard easily. I think it’s an issue of concern. When something is not well in a house there is a need to take a step forward at the very first stage.
Until its too late, one should re-look to the relations and must resolve the issue in the early stage. Let’s discuss whats going wrong? Whats making this in-law relations so painful? Is it the ego between the two, generation gap, the un-adaptability of the daughter ( in-law)or the insecurity of a mother(in-law)? What makes this in-law relation superior over a mother- daughter relation?
By the time a new entrant is there in the family, conditions suddenly change. A son now becomes a husband and The mother & father are placed in a more respectable positions now, just to be listened and obeyed. And the day to day handling of home ultimately becomes the bride’s( specifically daughter-in-law’s) responsibility. There is nothing unusual in this, but actually this “position change procedure” for responsibilities is the mother of the whole emotional crisis.
So far, the family was belonging to the parents. They were looked up on for each and every decisions to be taken. No doubts later on as well they might be the deciding ones but circumstances may vary. Similarly a mother who was busy looking around her children, gets some free time from this as the wife of his son takes up the responsibilities of her husband. This may feel a minor change, but most of the emotional detachment starts from here only. A wife taking care of her husband may seem as a swiper to a mother as she cuts off from her son. Although,a son never feels departed and tries to bring the equilibrium back. In all this dilemma a daughter( in-law) looses her mother(in-law).
And, gradually things change. Once a lovingly accepted daughter, becomes an arrogant, selfish wife of their son. Son remains in the same position to the parents, moreover he is even attempted to bring closure occasionally by the parents.
In all this mess, one who suffers the most is the son. He not only loses his parental confidence but, may feel like a culprit many times. A wife is blamed to draw lines in relations and the parents feel lonely and helpless as well.
So what was the actual zest of the whole story? What are the circumstances responsible for all this havoc? When we look deep inside, its actually clear that if we manage two issues “insecurity and unawareness ” then most of the conditions may be handled to a limit. Insecurity of parents, that they might be in a vulnerable condition after their son’s marriage and unawareness of a daughter-in-law to what mental crisis her parents-in-law are going through may somehow improve the conditions.
Parents(in-law)obviously can’t love an outsider beyond a limit, and they have their own preset home with them. The person who has to mingle with all others is the bride. She must adapt to the family to be going in. At the same time she must understand the mental issues with the parents so as to tackle with the for-coming conditions.
I can’t conclude this write up without mentioning about the responsibilities of both the sides. It is up to their mutual understanding and zeal to regain pleasure of their family. Though they have to put efforts at each and every level..


Smriti Srivastava

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